A few days ago, a good friend sent me the ‘Corporate Fuckboi Starter Pack’. 2 years ago, I would’ve checked off just about every god damn box on that list. I wasn’t big on happy hours or energy drinks, but the rest was close enough. On the surface, things looked good. They looked a lot like my LinkedIn profile.
I used to joke around and say that on paper, I was the guy that every girl’s parents hoped they would bring home: Nice guy, clean cut, university educated, good job, bright future, etc., etc. The rest was a bit complicated.
I think I grew up with the wrong idea about personal and professional development. Rather than looking at it like an exploratory exercise or a journey to be enjoyed, I looked at it like a race that I was supposed to win. I would pick a path based on what those around me respected most. It rarely had anything to do with who I was, and everything to do with how high of a bar I could set for myself. And I committed myself to getting there faster than anyone else. In the process, I learned to prioritize income, status, resources, and eventually, making a positive impact in the world.
Part of that competitive effort was building the kind of track record which would allow me to compete at the higher levels. Enter LinkedIn. Between my volunteer and professional efforts since 2009, my resume now read Branch Manager, Director, Director, President, Director, Investment Advisor, Vice President, Vice President. Had I told a younger me that this is what my resume would look like at 32, he would’ve been pumped. Would he believe me if I told him that it’s all bullshit?
What if I told a younger me that every minute spent manufacturing this impression of who I thought I was supposed to be, was a minute wasted? Not because it didn’t get me ahead. But instead, because it held me back.
I often think about what would’ve happened to me had things played out differently at the bank. I was on pace to earn a 7 figure income by my mid-30s. I was very good at my job. My clients were very appreciative of my efforts. Income, status, making the world a better place for my clients and then having the ability to do a fair bit of philanthropy? That was the plan… doesn’t sound so bad does it?
But that person isn’t me. It almost was. Maybe it still is in a parallel universe. But it isn’t me now. My path will be more difficult. My path will be more interesting. My path will not be defined by milestones on my LinkedIn resume. I’ve lost all interest in becoming what other people expect of me.
Trying to become the best version of what others expected of me is what got me here. That and my competitive drive to do it better than anyone else. I think the competitive drive is baked into my DNA so my sincerest apologies for everyone who has to deal with that. But now, it’s time to match that drive with becoming the best version of what I expect from myself.
So what do I expect from myself? And this is where I can’t help but pull in data from all around me. What do my friends expect from me? What about my little sister? What would my dad expect from me if he was still alive? What does the world expect from me? I am fundamentally connected to the universe around me. When I drop, they ripple. Those ripples are a reflection of what I am and how I behave, but it’s incredibly hard to reverse engineer that understanding. And even if I could, would they just reflect the giant question mark that I’ve already hung over my own head? Or maybe I’m going about it all wrong. Maybe there’s a different approach…
I’m starting to see these inflection points in my life where things could’ve gone very differently. I can see an alternate reality in which I’d probably already be married. I can see an alternate reality in which I was still at the bank. I can see an alternate reality in which I’m no longer living in the city I grew up in. And the variables which would’ve led to each were largely out of my control. So how much control do I really have?
Or maybe it’s not about control. Maybe it’s about awareness.
Maybe it’s not about choosing a future, and forcing it into reality. Maybe it’s about understanding where the future is headed, and being aware of your place in all of it. Maybe it’s about understanding your path more than choosing it.
My LinkedIn profile is an example of someone who thought they knew more than they did and a person who thought they could force a possible future into reality. That person feels like a dummy. Moving forward, I’m looking forward to seeing how my LinkedIn resume develops as a reflection of what I find most interesting and engaging. If I’m fortunate, I’ll find a way to live the rest of my life like that.
My Mental Model 