In my prime, I was probably just as interested in porn and masturbation as any other stereotypical male. Perhaps one of my most embarrassing memories was being walked in on by a friend back in grade 11. I still maintain he didn’t see anything, but holy shit was that awkward… then embarrassing when the rest of the school found out… and then a highly entertaining memory.
As the years have passed, it’s become more of a functional effort for me. Sometimes it’s to help me get to sleep, sometimes it’s to de-stress, sometimes it’s because I saw boobies on TV and wasn’t sure what else to do with myself. I’ve always enjoyed watching porn for a very different reason though – as a reflection of the human psyche.
If you were to ask 100,000 people what their sexual preferences or fantasies were, I don’t think you’d get an honest set of data. I think most people would respond with some variation of vanilla + light bdsm. If you were to take a look at the major porn sites right now, they’re dominated by incest porn. Thanks Glasses Morty…
There’s an honesty to porn. In the privacy of your own home (and incognito mode), you tend to care less about what people think and more about getting you to that mind-blowing orgasm. For me, I’ve been through several phases but it’s always revolved around female pleasure. Something about a girl looking like she’s experiencing levels of pleasure she’s never experienced before is totally my jam. And when I think about who I am as a person, I see an alignment there. One of my favorite states of mind is when I introduce someone to something they’ve never experienced before, and they have an awesome time. I’m also super competitive and want to be the best at everything, including her body, haha. So what does it say about the current state of the human condition when porn is being dominated by an incest fetish?
If I were to go onto any major free porn site, I’m saying close to half of the videos listed are either mother-son, brother-sister, or daddy-daughter. Some aren’t even incest related, but they’ll toss it in the title for more clicks. As someone who has a younger sister who lives in LA that has flirted with the idea of being a stripper, the last thing I want when watching porn is a reminder that the girl in the video could be my little sister. As someone who has a complicated relationship with his mother, hearing ‘do you like that, son?’ is a quick way for me to lose all interest in what I’m doing. The daddy-daughter stuff? I’m not a fan of unbalanced power dynamics.
When I wanna watch porn, I now literally have to skip through the first 5-10 minutes of story line or risk it being ruined for me. Kinda. Because every once in a while, there’s one that I’m into. In trying to understand what I was enjoying about it, a few things came to mind.
First and foremost, it was a step-sibling dynamic. No incest, just pretend incest. Second, there was no jacked up power dynamic where the brother was blackmailing his sister or something weird like that. The stuff that I was into was when there were two good looking people, living under the same roof, not related, super attracted to one another, knowing that it’s taboo, and caving into their desires. Hmm… that’s kinda hot isn’t it?
And when I think about the popularity of this genre and what it tells us about the people who are watching it, I see a few interesting elements.
First is the evolution of the blended family. Blended families are becoming the norm which means step-siblings are more common than ever. That means we’re putting a whole bunch of teenagers and young adults, who aren’t related to each other, under the same roof. From time to time, at least one of them is going to be attractive. And we’re expecting the other sibling not to be attracted? But their parents have told them that they’re brother and sister and brothers and sisters don’t have those kinds of feelings or engage in those behaviors. That’s like preaching abstinence to reduce pregnancies.
Next is the taboo element. Remember when BDSM was taboo? Anal? Gay sex? Even blow jobs were taboo at one point. They all follow the same pattern of a bunch of people collectively deciding it’s wrong and trying to shame the rest of us into complying. But then a few people explore those boundaries, find out it’s totally awesome, and the dynamic starts to shift. Eventually the people who tried to impose limitations on sexual freedoms start to look silly. In some cases, you feel sorry for them. In others, you swear they’re doing all kinds of kinky shit when nobody’s looking.
Finally, and perhaps the most subtle. Or maybe just something I see… is this dynamic of doing what you know makes sense even when others tell you that you’re wrong, or a bad person for doing it. If you were gay, at a time where the world was telling you that you shouldn’t be gay, I would imagine that being with the person you wanted to be with was an incredibly liberating and joyful experience. This dynamic of going against the grain when you know you’re right is something that exists well beyond sex. It’s how great investors invest. It’s how great love stories are told. It’s how great leaders change the world. It’s also why teenagers consistently push the boundaries which their parents impose on them. Whether it’s staying out late, skipping class, studying less than you should… most kids aren’t doing these things because they’re trying to sabotage their future, it’s because they think that they’re more capable than the limitations being place on them. In the case of incest porn, I think it just comes down to…. she’s hot, I think she’s into me, we’re not related as much as dad and his new wife would like me to think so – and there’s your fantasy.
The last piece I’ll mention is that if any of what I’ve written here has relevancy, the real story is appreciating the diversity of porn because it’s indicative of the diversity of sexual desire, which is indicative of the diversity of humanity. Some people are into big, some people are into small, some people are into feet, some people are into dressing like stuffed animals. If we could understand and accept that 99.9% of the time, sex is about pleasure and not procreation, we’re in a position to realize a sexual revolution. As long as there’s consent, do what feels good. The doors that will open, the marriages that will saved, the minds that will be blown… could be very exciting times ahead.
My Mental Model 