honesty – My Mental Model

PSI Basic & My Experience

A couple months ago, I was hanging out with a good friend.. We shall call him Steve. Much like myself, Steve has spent the last 10 years realizing that our universe is much bigger than the neighborhood we grew up in. While our paths have been different at times, we still have a great deal in common. I’d say that he probably knows me, my journey, and my direction better than anyone.

Part of Steve branching out and exploring his new universe was reading more, expanding his interests, and trying out some self-help courses. He mentioned that he had gone to one and that it was a little weird but that he did learn a few things. Not long after, he was headed to the states for a follow up course or something to that effect. Maybe it was a Tony Robbins thing?

I had seen Tony Robbins on YouTube, and while I understood and appreciated the things he would say, I didn’t find them very motivational. Same could be said for the other ‘motivational’ speakers I’ve watched. I actually found their material rather repetitive and somewhat hollow. There was lots of talk about waking up at 4:45 am or loading up your desktop with pictures of things you wanted to accomplish, but very little mention of how to actually navigate the obstacles I was actually facing.

I think part of it is that I’m already motivated. When people are asked to describe me, ‘driven’ is usually in the top 3. Another element is an appreciation that not all strategies work well for all people or in all situations. I know plenty of people who have no business waking up at 4:45 am and are remarkably productive well into the evening. And perhaps the biggest for me, is recognizing their BS sales tactics. The one that sticks out for me is ‘look at my garage full of exotic cars, if you want to be like me, pay for my motivational BS’.

While I think those reasons should be enough for most people to be wary, I think there’s another level to it for me. Not long ago, I realized that I’ve made a career out of making things harder than they needed to be. If something was easy, there was a good chance that I would find a way to make it more difficult. I was constantly looking to challenge myself and push my boundaries. It led to a lot of mistakes and those mistakes often had rather significant consequences. But I learned. I didn’t learn to make fewer mistakes or to fear the consequences of my actions. I learned the value of making mistakes, the lessons which were afforded by them, and how to roll with whatever consequences presented themselves. As someone who embraces making mistakes but is fixated on not repeating them, you’re afforded the opportunity to learn a great deal.

So a couple months ago, Steve and I are hanging out at my place and he’s telling me about this self-help seminar that he did and he does a real soft-sell, asking if I’d be into it. I do my best to keep an open mind, but ultimately reply with a soft-decline. I tell him that most of what they’re teaching, I’ve already learned (the hard way), and that I’m not the type to be motivated by someone bouncing around on stage telling me about my untapped potential. He suggests that it helped him with a few things and that he thinks it would be a very interesting experience for me to go through. I say anything can be interesting with the right perspective, whether it’s worth my time and money is a different conversation. So I ask him what the course material is. He tells me that he’s not supposed to share it. What? Apparently, knowing the course material ahead of time tampers with the ‘experience’. I suggest that this is probably a better fit for some of his other friends. He tells me that it’s difficult to talk about this kinda stuff with his other friends. He tells me it’s a money-back guarantee. Hmm… I still decline. Then he reluctantly shares with me that part of his ‘success’ in this program is being able to communicate its value with others… and get them to sign up. I went from being surprised that he let them do that to him, to unsurprised that this was one of their tactics, to disappointed that he went along with it. But I could tell that it was important to him. A money-back guarantee you say? He says that if nothing else, he’s very curious to see what happens when you put someone like me in an environment like that. I agree.

A few weeks later, I go to a dinner-pitch hosted by Steve with a presenter from the weekend seminar. The presenter is a mortgage-broker by trade, and says that within the first 10 seconds of his introduction (I wonder how much business he sources from this). He goes on to introduce the organization that he’s a part of: PSI Seminars. He touches on a few basics like the value of living outside your comfort zone, or the mind-state of a jaded adult vs. an innocent child. He then moves on to talk about how much he benefited from the program, mentioning that his income doubled and that he has a much better relationship with his family now. He then brings up others who have gone through the process and they say the same thing. Then they deliver the sales pitch, referring to the cost of the seminar as ‘tuition’ and providing a discount to anyone who signs up that night. He all but confirmed that I was walking into exactly what I thought I was walking into, but I had made a commitment to a friend and that was more important to me.

A few more weeks go by and it’s time to go the PSI: Basic, a Friday, Saturday, Sunday seminar, each day running 10am-8pm.

Day 1

On day one, we go through our registration and all 70 of us pile into a smaller banquet room at a mid-sized hotel in the burbs. The music is terrible.. like crappy, upbeat country kinda terrible. The man who takes the stage is a 50 something white guy in a boxy suit. Right away, he establishes a rapport with the audience by poking fun at his suit and talking about how half the people in the room still aren’t sure how they were talked into this. He shares that he was super skeptical when he went through the ‘basic’ 17 years ago. He pokes fun at the lack of participation from the crowd at first, but once he gets people laughing, the crowd seems to relax. Trust +1.

Then we break into groups headed by a ‘micro-leader’, someone who has done the program previously and wants to be further involved. In our micro-groups of 5, we’re told to go around in a circle and tell each other about the accomplishment(s) we’re proudest of. Then the rest of the group is asked to provide first impressions of that person. I ended up with a list of qualities which I aspire to.. things like honesty, integrity, intelligence, and work ethic. Others end up with similar positive lists. I’m a little disappointed as I’d much rather have constructive feedback. Validation +1.

We’re told a story about Jim Carrey, how he came from humble beginnings, and about the $15,000,000 check he wrote to himself. Apparently this was a turning point for him because every time he reached into his wallet, he saw that check and this motivated him to be able to cash it one day – the law of attraction. I’m someone who recognizes the law of attraction as a small part of a larger effort in achieving something. I’m not a fan of those who suggest that it’s the only thing standing between you and all your goals. Positivity +1

That afternoon, we do an exercise where we divide everyone into 4 groups, based on how you identify around dominance and formality. It’s basically a limited introduction into personality science, helping people understanding that different personalities behave and interact differently. As someone who’s been familiar with MBTI for over 10 years and is already reading Carl Jung’s works.. it was a bit light for me. Trust +1

Later that afternoon, he tells us about the innocence of children. How they don’t carry the prejudice, hurt, or other emotional baggage that tends to hold adults back. He talks about undoing ‘programs’ that we’ve built within our minds. I often see my thoughts as algorithms, and use the basic premise of re-coding to adjust my behavior. I would’ve liked to explore that at a deeper level but this was just a brief introduction. Trust + 1.

That evening, we were taught about the victim mentality. That when life gives you lemons, you can either take responsibility for those lemons and make lemonade, or you can bitch and complain about how you got lemons and hope that you get something better next time. As critical as I’ve been, it’s an important lesson these days. At the end of the day, there’s a lot to be learned and gained by taking responsibility for things, regardless of how they came about. I think this was intelligently communicated. Already a lesson which is near and dear to my heart, I still appreciate them teaching it here. Trust +1.

Leaving at 8pm, you become very aware that your only break for food was a lunch at 2pm.

Day 2

We start the day off with sharing things that we learned the day before. A few people get up and say something to the effect of ‘I was skeptical when I arrived yesterday, but then the exercise that we did about ______ really stuck with me’. Good for them. Then this middle-aged Chinese lady with a thick accent stands up and proceeds to deliver quite the speech. You could tell that she had come from a place of hurt and frustration in how she was talking and she went on to talk about how the Jim Carrey story had motivated her to go get that money she felt she deserved. But it wasn’t the $15 million, she wanted $200 million! Then she referenced the analogy of the child, saying that she was also inspired by how when children want things, they want them *now*. She talked about how she wanted to make a movie, but that everyone around her implored her to at least start with a book. She was fired up. She wanted that $200 million and she wanted to make a movie and there was nothing that was going to stop her. She also managed to say that this is why she admired Trump, because he dreamed big and he was bold. It seemed that her takeaways from the day before were a sense of entitlement and a lack of patience. But the fact that she was passionate, speaking her truth, and overcoming a language barrier earned her a big round of applause from the crowd. I was hoping the facilitator would curb some of that behavior, but instead, he chose to ride the wave of applause and said “Someone get her a job at PSI!” Really?

The next exercise was about having a better relationship with your parents. We were told to close our eyes and take some deep breaths. Then this Disney-esque motivational music comes on and the facilitator begins to read a script. We’re told to imagine our parents in a few scenarios which are designed to create empathy. The lesson is that our parents did the best that they could, regardless of how well or poorly they did. The room was sobbing. I had a great relationship with my dad, and said everything that I wanted to him before he died. My mom and I had a more estranged relationship up until a couple years ago, but we’re in a good place for a variety of reasons, including understanding that she did the best she could. I managed to avoid any tears until I was told to imagine my parents together, smiling, and happy for me. My parents broke up when I was a young teenager. They were sleeping in different rooms well before that. Imagining my parents together was a brief moment of happiness, but reflecting on it now, it seems rather hollow. Trust +2.

That afternoon, we went through another eyes-closed exercise. This required you to visualize walking through a forest, into a compound, digging a hole… finding a chest.. and zzzzzzz. I fell asleep. When I woke up, I quickly figured out that the exercise was about the importance of keeping your word. As someone who is big on keeping his word, and surrounded by people to struggle to keep theirs, I appreciated this lesson. Trust +1.

The last exercise of the day was a game. We were divided into two groups, given a quick set of rules, and then our group was sent off to another room for the game to begin. I recognized it pretty quickly as an exercise in game theory so I asked the facilitator if he still wanted me to participate. He said ‘sure, go for it’. I asked my group if they wanted some insight, which they did, so I proceeded to give them a quick overview on what game theory was, how it applied to this game, and how it connected to everything we were talking about. People were on board pretty quick, and both groups managed to achieve the best possible outcome for 8 of the 10 frames we supposed to play. Then two people at the back of our group with name tags spoke abruptly and said, “the game is over, don’t talk and go back to the other room.” Everyone was confused as to who these guys were and why the game had ended short of its conclusion. Lots of questions were being asked, but no answers so we herded ourselves back to the other room. On the way over, an older lady asked why I thought the game had ended early. I joked and said maybe they realized we figured out the winning strategy and cut it short. The guys from the back of the room were right behind us and rather loudly said, “I said be quiet and go to the room.” My immediate reaction was to laugh it off, apologize, and proceed to the room. Once we were back, we were told about how game theory worked and how it connects to life in general. Someone asked why we weren’t given the opportunity to complete the game and we were reminded that we were only given 30 minutes to play. The person asking the question said that we weren’t given a clock, and we had been asked to keep our watches and cellphones out of sight. The facilitator snapped back pretty quick about being a victim and not taking responsibility. He said that the game wasn’t over yet though and we would continue tomorrow. For a lot of people, Trust +1.

On my way home, I was increasingly annoyed with the way that guy had tried to reprimand me for talking. Being able to explain game theory to the group, helping them navigate the temptations to preemptively screw over the other team, and helping us arrive at a perfect score was the highlight of my day. Especially because the people in the room really appreciated it. But we were cut short of a perfect game, followed by these two randoms barking at me like prison guards. We were told that the game was still going… maybe this was part of the game?

Day 3

We begin day 3 with another sharing session. To little surprise, the Chinese lady from the day before is looking to share again. This time she opens up about some of her failures. She talks about borrowing money to invest just before the 2008 financial collapse. She lost that money, and borrowed more through her credit cards hoping that the market was coming back. It wasn’t, she lost that money too. Then her boyfriend left her. Her parents called her out for poor decision making, but ultimately bailed her out to the tune of $150,000. She went on to say how when she was at her lowest, she asked god what he had planned for her. Apparently god spoke to her, saying keep your head up, I have big things in-store for you and you just have to make it through this rough patch. She went on to talk a lot about god, and how he loves all of us, and that his love is the only love we need. I think it went on for about 20 minutes. Again, to a large round of applause and more positive reinforcement from the facilitator.

I can’t remember if it was the second or the third day, but the facilitator broke protocol and told us about his background and his path into PSI. He was a minister at a church in California. A pretty large church by the sounds of it as he worked with the largest youth group in the city. As he tells it, he married the wrong woman. When he looked towards a divorce, his church wasn’t having it. It sounded like he had to choose between leaving his church and staying in an unhealthy marriage, and he choose to leave his church. Good on him. Trust +1.

As we were getting into our micro-groups for the morning, my micro-leader asked what had happened the day before. I wasn’t sure what he was getting at. Apparently, he was told that I was starting trouble during the game theory exercise. I had almost forgotten about it at that point. I never expected those guys to escalate it, let alone to describe the situation as me being disruptive. That was annoying.

For our micro-group exercise, we were asked to identify our goals, our supports, and our obstacles. Basically, 3 people who represented your obstacles would stand in front of you and yell at you while 1 person who represented your support would stand behind you and yell supportive things at you. My obstacles seemed to want to avoid eye contact with me… not very intimidating. Everyone else found that they were able to tune into the positives while tuning out the negatives. Trust +1.

During one of our breaks, the older lady from the other day came up to me and started apologizing for the behavior of the guys from the day before. I told her that while I appreciated her apology, it was not accepted because she had nothing to apologize for. She may have been the one to ask me the question, but I was the one who chose to answer. And frankly, just because someone tells me not to speak doesn’t mean I’ve agreed to it. She offered to tell PSI about what had happened and was furious when she found out that they had already reported it and had cast me as the trouble maker. I calmed her down, told her the guy was probably just having a bad day, and everything was gravy.

Back in the seminar room, we were told that the game from yesterday was over. The facilitator fielded several questions and helped people better understand the point of the game. Once all the questions were over, I put my hand up. I said that some staff — “volunteers”, okay, some volunteers were rather rude to me yesterday after the game and I wanted to know if that was a part of the game. The facilitator said, “well they were trying to get you to stop talking.” To which I replied, “you’re right, and some ways are more rude than others.” I told him that I just wanted to know whether it was a part of the game, or if someone was just having a bad day, in which case I could resolve it myself. The facilitator said it wasn’t part of the game, and that he assumed there would probably be a conversation to be had after this. I thanked him and we proceeded.

I think after this was the ‘I love myself’ exercise. We were partnered up again, told to sit directly across from someone with our eyes closed, and to tell them what love means to us, and how we want to be loved. Again, the room broke into tears. I may have started with love is familiarity over time, but did my best to articulate what I understood love to be and the ways in which I wanted to be loved. It’s something I had already given a fair bit of thought to having just read The General Theory of Love, a book about the brain chemistry behind emotions. But again, it seemed like a big breakthrough for a lot of the people in the room. Trust + 1, Validation + 1.

I wish I could remember the exact sequence of events, but I can’t at this point. What comes next might not be an exact timeline, but I think the conclusions will remain the same.

What likely came next was this lesson that seemed half way between you can’t solve problems with the thinking that you used to create them, and there are different ways of closing the distance between where you are and where you want to be. Both very important lessons, but I don’t think they were effectively taught as what followed was an awkward soul train dance-party. Basically, everyone had to line up on one side of the room and make it to the other side of the room among music and clapping. The rule was you couldn’t do it the way someone previously had. Most people chose to make it across with bad dance moves, some with uninspired shimmies, and a few (mostly the staff and volunteers) with way more sparkle than the situation called for. But when everyone is clapping and cheering for you.. Validation +1.

While I’ve listed most of the core curriculum here, it was 30 hours of seminar work so there’s a lot that I’m leaving out. Perhaps the most significant of which are the ‘feel good’ moments. There was a lot of clapping. A lot of positive reinforcement for just showing up. A lot of ‘believe in yourself and the world is yours’. moments At one point, the facilitator actually said the only difference between you and MLK is that MLK believed in himself. I wanted to throw something at him. Just because most people who are successful are also confident, doesn’t mean that confidence leads to success. In reality, it’s often success that leads to confidence. To earn that success, you have to put the hours in.

Throughout the weekend, trust was being established between the audience and the facilitator. Peppered in were all these moments of ‘I am strong, confident, and deserve to be loved’. There were back rubs, and hugs, and lots of crying. During various interactions, people were trying to articulate what they thought about something, and the facilitator would say ‘forget what you think, tell me how you feel’. The room was being molded into this tribe which was exchanging critical thought for feeling good. Not just feeling good about themselves, but also feeling good about where they were, who they were with, what they were learning, and especially about the person leading the seminar. Hmm…

During the late afternoon of day 3, we were introduced to ‘The Ranch’. We were told that this was the PSI Basic, and that after this comes a visit to the ranch which was a 7 day seminar somewhere in eastern California. We were told how this seminar was only scratching the surface of your potential and that to really spread your wings and fly, you would need to attend this next seminar. Then some of the volunteers were asked to step up and tell us about what the ranch had helped them accomplish. Of the 5, 4 said that they doubled their income. 3 said that they then found the love of their lives. There was definitely a theme here. Including a 30 minute sales pitch for the next seminar during this session wasn’t ideal but it wasn’t the end of the world. But then things took a hard right.

There wasn’t just the ranch, there was also another leadership seminar after the ranch, which together would cost about $12,000. “but if you sign up in the next 20 minutes, we’ll knock that price down to $8950. Now I know some of you are thinking that’s a lot of money but the best thing you can do is just go for it. If you sign up for it now, you’ll find the money.”

As I was watching this unfold, and looking at the people around me wide-eyed and nodding their heads, I became frustrated. These people were in such an emotional, trusting, and positive state of mind, that they weren’t thinking rationally. Anyone who truly understands money knows that you don’t make financial decisions when in a highly emotional state. These people were being taken advantage of. Do I stay quiet? Do I let this happen? One of the core lessons of game theory is that you do what you know is right, regardless of how others might react. Fuck it. I’m saying something. I reminded the facilitator that his first piece of advice to us on day 1 was to appreciate that some of the things happening this weekend would take time to digest and not to rush into anything. I said that since this was a rather significant financial decision for a lot of the people here today, wouldn’t it make sense to think it over? Bless his heart, he paused, and said that’s a good point.

The room was rather tense, so the mortgage-broker from the dinner-pitch stepped up from the back of the room and started by saying they get that question all the time. The facilitator casually interjected that it was the first time he had heard that question in 17 years of teaching it. The mortgage-broker then proceeded to string many words together in an attempt to justify what was happening. He then asked me if that made sense, I was going to reply no, but the facilitator did it for me.

During that 20 minute break, I saw a few people going to the back of the room to sign up but really had no idea if what I had said made an impact. A few people did approach me and thank me for what I did though. What I really appreciated was that the facilitator came up to me and said, “I had to think about it, but I have an answer.” He went on to tell me that his advice at the beginning was about dating or soliciting business from people at the seminar, not about spending money. I asked him why the same principles didn’t apply. He said something to the effect of the momentum people have going into that pitch is the best opportunity for them to appreciate what they could get out of it. I asked how that was different from any other pressure-sales tactic. I criticized him for helping people arrive at a highly emotional state of mind, reluctant to think critically about the money they were spending or the value they were receiving, and then giving them 20 minutes to spend more than what the average family saves in a year. He was stuck, and said that this was how the company approached their business. I told him that I thought he was a good person, and sensed a very genuine desire in him to help people become better versions of themselves. He said whether it was this or the church, there were always going to be things that he disagreed with. I pressed and asked that if he knew this is how PSI approached their business, why was he working here? He laughed it off and said, “you’re not that good.” Maybe not, but I would bet good money that he won’t get that conversation out of his head any time soon. I hope so.. he deserves better.

The next activity was learning about the workshop of the mind. I think it’s largely an exercise in visualizing, not dissimilar to Sherlock’s mind-palace. We were told to think of someone with an illness and then share the gender, age, and name of the individual with our partner. The partner was then asked to visualize what was wrong with them and come up with some creative solutions on how to heal them. Both my partner and I proceeded to get ‘most’ things right about who the other person had in mind. We were told that this was like wifi, that our bodies just had to tune into the telepathic signals being sent back and forth. I was told about a 57 year old named Stanley. So I analyzed the person in front of me, ended up with some assumptions on the type of person she would likely choose, and then proceeded to identify someone with salt and pepper hair, with glasses, who wore a collared shirt, pants with a belt, nice shoes but not too nice. For ailments, I suggested lower back pain, a past knee injury, and that his liver could probably be in better shape. Right on all counts. But how many other 57 year old males did I just describe? Mentalism will teach you just how much information is communicated non-verbally. I think that to assume we can’t tap into these ‘frequencies’ of information would be premature. To say that this exercise is a real-life example of how human intuition borders on telepathy, would be overly ambitious. Unfortunately, I think that this exercise best demonstrates why astrology is still so popular.

Towards the end of the night, we were told about our graduation ceremony the following week. This ceremony would see each of us graduate and receive a certificate for completing the course, and we were encouraged to invite as many people as we could. We were told stories of how people renting 3 minivans just to bring all the people they had invited. Then we were told that after the graduation ceremony, there would be a short presentation on the value of PSI: Basic, and that if any of your friends or family wanted to sign up, there would be people waiting at the back of the room. Yuck.

The last exercise for the night was where we were all grouped together by who had invited us to the seminar. We were told to close our eyes and imagine how much that person cared about us, and what it took for them to help get us here. I immediately started thinking that they were bringing in the people who had invited us for a big final reveal, but I knew Steve was in Mexico for the week. With my eyes closed, I was tempted to flash a middle finger to let him know that I knew he was there (probably). I opened my eyes and there he was, fresh off his return flight. After being asked to stare into each other’s eyes for a couple minutes, we hugged it out and called it a day.

Earlier that day, we were asked to write a letter to the person who had invited us. It won’t be word for word, but I’ll give you the gist. Steve knows me better than just about anyone. He’s one of my few friends who knows about this blog and actually reads it. He’s the one who sees me write about loneliness and makes a point of hanging out. He’s also the one I use to hold me accountable to my goals, and the friend I bounce ideas off when those ideas are way out there. If someone’s going to tell my story some day, they won’t be able to tell that story without writing extensively about him. He’s my brother in the truest sense of the word and I appreciate why he wanted me to take this seminar. It wasn’t the pressure that PSI was putting on him, or him being swindled into the cult of self-help, or the fact that he thought I needed the help. He just wanted to see me continue to grow.. and that’s why we’re bros.

He also told me that he was talking to the mortgage-broker guy when he came in and that he was rather flustered about me speaking up during the sales pitch. Apparently he called me a ‘little shit’ and wanted to take me aside and talk to me one-on-one. Steve proceeded to tell him that this was a terrible idea and that I would talk circles around him. I love Steve. Not just because he put buddy in his place, but more so because he reminded him to stay within the spirit of what was being taught at PSI. Yoda’s voice is echoing in my head, “Remember your teachings young padewan.”

Day 3+1

After it’s all said and done, our micro-group leaders reach out to us on whatsapp and start a group chat around accomplishing goals for the month. I get a message shortly after saying that I had been uninvited from our graduation ceremony later that week because I had asked for my money back. I found that a bit surprising as the PSI paperwork says that you must attend graduation in order to receive your refund. Part of me was happy that I didn’t have to waste more time on PSI sales pitches, but another part of me was a little annoyed that I wouldn’t have the opportunity to support those who did receive value from the experience.

Day 3 + 8

I think that if anyone asks for a refund, it’s the responsibility of their micro-leader to approach them about why. My micro-leader reached out to me and asked if we could grab coffee and chat. We did, it was super amicable, and not much was accomplished. I tried to impress upon him the importance of integrity when aligning yourself with organizations like this but I don’t think he was in the right state of mind to hear it. Nice kid, but I think he’ll need to figure this out for himself. We had brief conversation around what I had learned. I told him that the biggest take away for me, was having a deeper understanding of how and why religion appeals to people. The similarities between how PSI approached personal growth and how churches approached spirituality were remarkable. I’ll save that for the next one.

Dating in 2018: WTF?

February, 2017

That’s when my last relationship ended. It didn’t officially end until the spring, but I was going through some things that made it tough for me to be in the right head-space for a relationship. In January, I was fired from a career I had put my everything into. A month later, I went snowboarding for the first time that season and ended up breaking my arm badly. At that point, I wasn’t a boyfriend in any meaningful way.. I had too much that I needed to figure out. Bless her heart, she was awesome and supportive the whole way through. Probably the most amicable breakup I’ve ever had.

May, 2017

One of the relationships I kept reflecting on last year was with Max. We had dated a couple years prior. There was so much chemistry between us and so much that we had in common. It seemed to work on every level. Except she was bugging to go explore the world and I was committed to my career. I was also too dominant in that relationship, more controlling than I would’ve liked to be. There were times where her free-spirited nature was at odds with my career goals and I would try to convince her that my career goals were a higher priority than her being herself at all times. I wish I hadn’t.

In understanding why I had been fired, I realized that it was a matter of fit. In trying to understand where I would fit best, I realized that I needed to do a better job of understanding myself. That journey mirrored so much of what Max had learned leaving a big 4 accounting firm and working for a start-up. I wish I had done a better job of understanding that story. She helped inspire a lot of growth on my part, and I thought she might appreciate knowing that.

December 2017

I wrote a blog post about her. Flushed out every thought and emotion I had on the subject and realized a lot of things I still hadn’t considered. It was a good experience. At the end, I figured I would tell her about the ground that I had covered and thank her for her part in all of this. I made a YouTube video and send it to her on Christmas. I was clear that I wasn’t looking to get back together, but I’d be lying if I said a part of me wasn’t trying to plant a seed for the future.

January 2018

After about month of radio silence, she emailed. She said some nice things and asked if I was up for a video call. I said sure – and then proceeded to hear nothing from her for another month. I knew she probably had a full plate so I eventually just emailed, “whats on your mind?” Her reply was more direct this time. Said she was busy, was happy for me, then questioned much of what I had said, and seemed to have forgotten about that video call. I replied, tried to explain, but then said it would probably be easier over the phone. No reply.

March 2018

Another month of radio silence. All I wanted to do was let her know what I had gone through, and hoped that she would be happy for me. Maybe I should send her a link to the blog post about her? At least it would be the full story. So I messaged her on WhatsApp but before the opportunity presented itself, it became a conversation. She began to question who I had ‘become’, suggesting that I was still the same person. It was tough trying to explain how and why over text. But I tried. At one point, she even ceded that it seemed like I was a whole new person. Maybe she was just saying that hoping I would stop trying to argue my point. Regardless, it was clear she lacked the motivation to invest the time into understanding that person.. and everything that I had felt towards her had shifted. One of the things I appreciated about her most was that understanding me seemed effortless. Now, not only was there effort involved, but she had no interest in putting the effort in. A bummer at first, but it felt good to have clarity.

Right around that time, I was trying to go on a date with a girl named Mia. Someone I dated for a bit a few years ago, and someone who I had a bunch of fun, nerdy stuff in common with. She’s all kinds of cool, but she’s also working through some things. When things get difficult or confusing, she hides. She tried that with me before and I just walked away.. it’s why we stopped dating the last time. This time, I was more interested in helping her rise above that. So we tried to go on a date, but then she got busy. We rescheduled, but then she got busy again. I told her I knew this pattern, and I was happy to walk away if she wanted me to, but she didn’t – she was struggling with old habits.

April 2018

So we tried again, but work. And again, but work. I was on my way out this time, but did so with a link to a post I had written about her, so she would at least know what my honest feelings towards her were. She was surprised. She opened up to me more than she ever had, and seemed that much more motivated to see me. Seemed like progress. So we rescheduled.. and she ghosted again. This time, it was because she had read the rest of my blog and found out about Max. She was afraid that I was using her to fill a Max-shaped void. I couldn’t hold it against her, it was a legitimate question that I also had to ask myself. We talked it through, and agreed that we would make attempt number 6.

Had I been stood up 6 times with no difference in the context, I’d be worried about my mental health.. but that wasn’t the case. With each time, progress was being made. And I could tell that these were big steps for someone who didn’t have a lot of opportunities to take these steps. Unfortunately, it was also creating an imbalance in the relationship which I knew was unhealthy. She pleaded that work was being unfair, and that she wasn’t leading me on, and how interested she was… but she couldn’t get her actions to match her texts. The outcome was disappointing, but I’m happy that I treated the situation with compassion and understanding instead of walking away at the first sign of getting hurt.

April 25th, 2018

The very next day, Max texts me. Said she’s in-town, and would ‘love’ to get together. Well then. We book a late dinner for Sunday. She also wants to smoke a joint together, so we plan to get together later in the week too. Easy way to get my mind off Mia, I guess.

April 27th, 2018

Arrive to a 3-day self-help seminar on Friday. Pretty skeptical about what I’m walking into, but doing it with an open mind and the best of intentions. A girl catches my eye. Was partnered up with her at the end of the day for an exercise where we’re asked to sit directly across from each other and tell a victim story while looking into each others eyes. We spend most of that time looking at each other and cracking up, because neither one of us is any good at pretending to be a victim. A fun introduction. We shall call her.. Lulu.

On the way home, I text my buddy who invited me to the seminar, letting him know how it went. He asks if I met anyone interesting. I say everyone’s interesting if you ask the right questions (holding back from saying I met this really cute girl). He tells me that he has another friend who’s there doing the seminar and he hopes that we have a chance to meet.. and that her name is Lulu. As he puts it, we’re two of his closest friends and the ones he goes to for good conversation. Wow.. that’s kinda cool. I ask if he’s interested in her, or if she’s in a relationship. Says he dated her for a bit way back, and he thinks she’s in a relationship with someone. Well, never mind then…

April 28th, 2018

Saturday’s part of the seminar put me and Lelu back in close proximity. I do my best to avoid creating interactions, but don’t avoid them either. Our chemistry continues to build. I text my buddy again that night, asking if he’s sure that she’s in a relationship. He says yes. I tell him that while my instincts around these things are a bit rusty, pretty sure this girl is into me. He tells me a bit more about her and shows some enthusiasm around us connecting beyond this seminar.

April 29th, 2018

Lulu was definitely the best part of my Sunday seminar. We sat beside each other a few times and ended up doing a couple of the 1 on 1 sessions together too. I eventually asked if she knew we had both been invited by the same friend – she didn’t. She was excited, especially because it meant that there was a good chance we’d see each other again. As the day went by, everything suggested more chemistry and more interest. At the end of Sunday’s seminar, we were supposed to thank people who we had connected with and tell them what we appreciated about them. She approached me and opened with “Thanks for being the best looking guy here, it gave me something to look at”, and followed with a few very thoughtful compliments. I replied, telling her that she was the highlight of my weekend and that I hope to see her again.

Now to go directly from that self-help seminar to dinner with Max. Along the way, I text my buddy and ask if he’s sure that Lelu is in a relationship because everything that happened that day would suggest otherwise. He ended up taking her out for dinner and dug in. Said she’s only been dating this guy a short while, but she doesn’t see it going anywhere. Tells me not to worry, and he’ll connect the two of us before long. I have no interest in being the guy that breaks up a healthy relationship, but if she’s already on her way out.. I can’t help but want to see her again.

So I arrive at dinner with Max – fancy sushi. She gives me a big smile and a big, but not too big of a hug. We get seated and start talking. Eventually, she asks me about my aspirations. I think I say something like creating the most significant positive impact I’m capable of. She says that’s a bit vague and asks what the most significant positive impact I think I’m capable of. I may have told her President of Mars. She called bullshit. That probably needed a little more explaining.

I guess for starters, I really do think that the upper-limit of the human mind is often well beyond the limits we place on ourselves. Mars though? I told her that the bigger the problem, the more motivated I am to solve it and I can’t help but want to find solutions to the big problems we as a species are facing today. Ok, but why Mars? Well, I’ve seen well-intentioned people come and go, only for their ideas to fall on the deaf ears of a system which is designed to protect itself from change. I often think that what the world desperately needs today, is a blank canvas where a new government could be established with modern policies. If we only had the opportunity to lead by example, how quick would the world be to adopt those good ideas? Unless I’m missing something, Mars will most likely be our first opportunity to build something from scratch.

I think she made an attempt here to bring me back to reality and asked me to connect that to a real goal. I told her that while I have these ideas, and they seem logical in my mind, I still need to prove that they can exist outside my head. I need to take my personal philosophies, my ideas, and my ability to execute, and make something special. If I could make something special, that something that people can understand as an expression of my mind and my vision, people would notice. If people noticed, they might appreciate, and if people appreciated, they might just be willing to hear what I have to say. While that something special can take on different shapes and forms, no form comes more naturally to me than building a business. So I told her I was working on building a billion dollar company.

She said back up the “B”. What? Back up the “B” in billion. What do you mean? She asked if I knew how hard it was to build a billion dollar company or how rare they were. She didn’t take kindly to what she thought were grandiose exaggerations of what I was really up to. She knew that I was working for a cannabis retail start-up, but I don’t think she understood the potential behind it. I told her about the awards, and the industry growth, how visible our founders were, and how ahead of the curve we were. She didn’t seem to care. I said that if you had to pick an early winner in cannabis retail, it would probably be us, and to say that wasn’t an opportunity to build a billion dollar company was untrue. She still didn’t believe me. Or maybe she didn’t believe that I would do it.

I did my best to ask her about what she was up to throughout the evening. She sounded like she was dealing with a lot, but persisted that she was happy. She certainly valued all that she had gone through in the last year. I asked her what her goals were and she said to land a job this fall. It looked like she was lined up for a fancy title at a mid-sized private equity firm doing some level of analytics. I asked if she had any big goals. She seemed less sure about this… maybe something to the effect of using big data in driving HR policy, limiting inequality in the work place. Sounds neat.

Despite all my efforts to guide things in a positive direction, we kept finding our way back to my aspirations, and her lack of confidence in my ability to accomplish them. I wish I had been able to tell the story of how I got from being fired to wanting to set up camp on Mars.. pretty sure things would’ve made more sense that way.

The night largely seemed like an exercise in her trying to cut me down. I was used to her being an optimist, a big thinker, open-minded, and supportive. Now I wonder if it’s her that’s changed or if it was just my memory of her. I was all but convinced that who I had become was a better fit for who she was. But as soon as I realized that, I also knew that who I had become, might not be a fit to who she is today. I think that’s what I was facing. Somewhere between her big corporate gig in silicon valley and her MBA, her mindset seems to have changed. Where she was once about possibilities, she was now about limitations. There’s probably also an element of trying to stick it to your ex-boyfriend… and I probably deserved it.

At one point, I said, “This is unexpected, you’re usually more..” I cut myself off, and apologized, saying that it wasn’t my place to say something like that. It threw her off, she knew what I was getting at.

It was getting late, we asked for the bill. We hugged again outside and she apologized for being less supportive than she used to be be. We said goodbye.

April 30th, 2018

Knowing that we had made pseudo plans to hang out later in the week, I sent her a text. I basically thanked her for dinner (she insisted on paying), then thanked her for challenging my goals. I said that I’m steadfast in dreaming big, working relentlessly towards those goals, and being at peace with where that takes me (I’m all about shooting for the stars and landing on the moon). I said I’m rarely challenged on these things and if nothing else, it was good exercise. I also said that based on our conversation, I had the impression that there were probably other people in town she’d rather spend time with and that if I was right, it was all good with me. No response.

The day before she left, I sent a text saying I hope I didn’t upset her with what I had said. I told her I was happy for her, and wished her the best of luck. She responded back saying she had been busy and yes, lots of people to see.

May 1st, 2018

Speaking of radio silence, Mia messages me the next day. Apologizes for the incoming wall of text, and the proceeds to say some very nice things. She talks about how strongly she feels about the potential between her and I. Then talks about her struggles and the progress she’s made. Then she talks about her feelings. Then she says something to the effect of, ‘and I won’t hold it against you if you never want to talk to me again’.

I agreed with a lot of the things she said about the potential between her and I, and I appreciated that she recognized and appreciated the progress she had made. So we get into a text conversation where I thank her for opening up to me and we get into the possibility of trying one more time. I ask her what the difference this time would be, and she says a strong effort. I ask if that means that the last 6 times weren’t strong efforts. She says that this time, she’s just going to go for it – be less cerebral about it. I told her it didn’t sound all that convincing. She reminded me that she wasn’t very good at explaining this stuff over text. The conversation kinda fizzled after that.

Went to bed, had a dream that she had made an effort the following day to make something happen between us and I was happy about it. Woke up to no such effort. Decided that I was being unfair. Told her that if she wanted to explain things to me in person, I would make the time for that. My ask was that it was on the weekend and at my office (so if she pulled a no-show, that I could just keep working). She was receptive. She planned to come by on Saturday but on Friday she asked if she could move it to Sunday. This looked familiar. She didn’t come by on Saturday or even get back to me about Sunday. And that was the last I heard from her.

May, 2018

A friend of mine cracked a joke a couple months ago saying that I should jump on Tinder with a bio that says something to the effect of, ‘Dating is confusing, anyone wanna blaze and hang out?’ Dude is sounding like a genius right about now.

Ironically, back in April, I was talking with a couple female friends about the challenges of dating and I suggested this was why dating apps had become so popular. One friend was in her 50s and had been married for 27 years so she had zero interest Tinder. She said that people need to get outside and engage each other in real life. I asked where that might be appropriate these days given all the tension between men and women. Every answer she gave was immediately turned down by my 20-something friend. At the gym? Nope, don’t be gross, I’m just here to work out. At a book store? Just because I’m here buying books doesn’t mean I wanna be hit on. In-line at a cafe? Nope. I told them I found it all very confusing and hoped they would find some empathy for the other men out there feeling the same way.

Only a few weeks ago, my sister and sister-in-law were in town. I asked them about the dating scene and the tension between men and women. I get that some men are shitty people. I’ve even lost friendships over that kinda stuff. But this general negativity towards men seemed unhealthy. They responded with an analogy which they were quite eager to share: Think about men like a bowl full of skittles. One of them is poison, but you don’t know which one. Why would you risk it? It wasn’t the right time to tell them that they’re using the same logic as those who avoid Muslims in fear of Muslim extremists.

My mind is searching for a connection between all these interactions. Considering the rise of neo-feminism and the #metoo movement. Considering the impact of social media. Considering the heightened levels of anxiety, stress, and drug use. I’m trying to see through it and to the other side… and I can’t. I’m not saying we won’t get through it. I would bet that we do. I just don’t yet see how. I think this gets worse before it gets better and that concerns me.

Some men have learned the advantages of identifying themselves as an ‘ally’. Some have learned that you can improve your odds by dating multiple women at the same time. Some have learned that it’s easier to get turned down if you turn into a giant asshole afterwards. There’s even a sub-culture of men who are downright confused and losing hope of ever figuring it out. Everyone’s dealing with it in their own way… but none of these are about how we make it better.

This is a big problem, and I have a swell of motivation to find a solution for everyone out there that’s struggling to find meaningful connections. I think much of the solution is based in honesty and real communication. Not just honesty with others, but honesty with ourselves as well. We’ve also romanced the concept of love since we could first tell stories, and it’s warped our expectations of what it is, where to find it, and how long it lasts. If we would only make the effort to understand ourselves and then to understand one another, I can’t help but think that things would get better. To get there, perhaps we need to be reminded of why we should be courageous when facing those we fear. Or why we should be compassionate towards those who have hurt us.

… or sex robots for everyone?

The Illusion Of Privacy

Every so often, I come up with an idea which I think is worth writing about. When I do, I make a note and then come back to it when I’m ready. This one is from December, but all the hype around Facebook and Cambridge Analytica suggested it was time.

There seems to be a fair bit of traction behind the #deletefacebook movement and I find that surprising. But then, less so.

We seem to be in an age where we quickly look for someone to blame. I can relate to looking at a problem and immediately looking to identify the cause, but there’s often a wide gap between the cause of a problem and someone you can blame. In many cases, the individual being blamed, even when ‘justified’, is a symptom of a bigger problem that isn’t being acknowledged. It’s why problems usually find ways to persist when you remove the symptom.

In a world where people are quickly looking to label the bad guy, I find a lot of people blaming businesses or technology. Something something corporations are ruining the world. Something something technology is destroying humanity. I find this perspective rather challenging. As far as I know, technology and business becomes rather hollow when you remove people from the equation. In that sense, both are extensions of our own humanity. Both are tools we’ve developed over time to help us accomplish more with less. Understanding that these tools are a reflection of our own humanity, we accept that we can be capable of both good and evil. From fireworks to gunpowder, from missiles to rockets.

What I’m getting at is that if we want to move past the blame game and start looking to solve the problems we’re facing, we need to look at the people. It’s people who are behind the development of this technology. It’s people who are behind the companies like Cambridge Analytica. And it’s people who are allowing themselves to be taken advantage of by both. So it’s about time we look at the people involved.

For the most part, I place very little responsibility on the tech developers at Facebook, or anywhere else for that matter. Almost every piece of technology that’s made, is made to solve a problem. If it doesn’t solve a problem, it becomes obselete. Throughout history, people have shown a desire to be more connected with one another. Technological advancements in transportation brought us from horseback riding to hyperloops. In communication, we went from telegraphs to texting. Along the way, we realize that we didn’t have to physically be in the same place to have a social interaction with someone. To some extent, we realized that we didn’t even need the other person to be there at all. Asian Avenue, Apartment 107, Black Planet, Myspace… all pre-cursors to Facebook and show a continuum of what we were trying to accomplish. The internet gave us this great platform where we could connect digitally instead of physically, and it was a dynamic that we clearly wanted to explore. Had it not been Facebook, it would’ve been someone else. And to think that this evolution stops at Facebook would be be unwise. Social Media wasn’t a lab experiment from Silicon Valley, it was a social evolution, started by, driven by, and consumed by people. Facebook just happens to be the playground we chose to play in today.

The blade is a tool, indifferent to whether it cuts the flesh of your enemies or a dinner for your friends. It’s the person who chooses how to use the tool. Could Facebook have made it more difficult for Cambridge Analytica to do what they did? Probably. What happened to #DontBlameTheVictim? Maybe it only applies to people.. Regardless, understanding what happened at Cambridge Analytica is definitely the fun part.

Cambridge Analytica was a firm who realized that Facebook could be used as a platform for modern political propaganda and did so with a high level of efficacy. That’s it. I’m trying to see why it’s more complicated and complex than this, and I don’t think it is. Propaganda isn’t a new or foreign concept. For as long as there’s been politics, there have been people trying to manipulate the message for the sake of political gain. And America has probably used those tools more frequently and effectively than any other government in the last 100 years. How much has been used against its own citizens and how much has been used in countries abroad is anyone’s guess. But just as propaganda found its way into print media, broadcast media, and digital media, it would surely make its way into social media.

Cambridge Analytica looks like they may have been up to some other shady political tactics. If they happened, it just strengthens the case that politics desperately needs to be removed from governance. But politics is how the powerful stay in power so perhaps that’s too big of a topic to tackle here. What is worth focusing on though is what Cambridge Analytica was able to do and why they were able to do it. After having watched all the hidden camera footage from Channel 4, one thing stood out to me more than anything else – their goal of targeting people’s fears.

The only thing that Facebook really provided Cambridge Analytica with were details on the things that you liked and didn’t like. The sinister part was when they took the details of each voter profile and used them to created targeted groups based on what they were most afraid of. If you were from a southern community which had lost jobs to immigrants, it was ‘build that wall’. If you were afraid of a change in gun legislation, it was ‘Hillary will take your guns’. If you were concerned with political corruption, it was ‘drain the swamp’. Whatever you were afraid of, they would play to your fears. While most people know that making decisions from a place of fear isn’t great, not everybody knows why. Turns out it’s literally the wrong part of the brain for making these decisions. The part of the brain which governs emotions like fear, is different from the part of the brain which governs rational thought. People are navigating this propaganda in an emotional state of mind instead of a rational state of mind. Instead of being able to think critically and rationally about the content that’s in front of them, they’re thinking emotionally and looking for an enemy.

And this is where I let Cambridge Analytica off the hook. They should be held accountable for what they did, but then, we should also be held accountable for what we let them do.

The first few times I saw a juicy headline on Facebook, I definitely clicked through. Juicy headlines and misdirection have been around since well before the Facebook news feed so it’s not like I was being duped, I was just sufficiently curious. But each time was a let down. The headline was always better than the content. So I learned to stop clicking on what was eventually termed ‘click-bait’. Seemed straight forward.

Over time, digital publications like BuzzFeed and Vice started popping up on my timeline. They were far more legitimate than the click-bait articles I was used to, but something else was going on. These publications also realized they had tapped into fear. The fear of being a racist, the fear of being a sexist, the fear of being transphobic, and perhaps most importantly, the fear of being on the wrong side of a movement which seemed to be based on the virtuous pursuit of equality. Their approach was more nuanced than Cambridge Analytica. Instead of pushing raw propaganda to their audience, these digital publications started editing interviews or not properly sourcing articles, looking to craft a narrative which their audience was hungry for. They were more interested in providing a narrative which made you feel good about what you already thought. When you think you have the moral high ground, confirmation bias can be a dangerous thing.

But not everyone fell for it.

Not everyone took Jordan Peterson’s Vice interview at face value. Not everyone liked or shared memes saying ‘The South Will Rise Again’. Not everyone saw a comment section where everyone was agreeing with them and jumped right in. Not everyone avoided a perspective that challenged their own. And for those who did debate, not everyone approached it as a battle of them versus us. Some of us couldn’t help but look at it as us versus the problem.

The problem isn’t privacy. The problem isn’t Facebook. The problem isn’t even Cambridge Analytica or the shady politicians they help put in positions of power. The problem is us.

The problem is us.

When tools stop working, people stop using them. Propaganda is the tool, and it will be used as long as we keep letting it work. If we #deletefacebook, I can all but guarantee that this propaganda will follow us whichever social media channel we choose to spend those hours. If we put the team at Cambridge Analytica behind bars, I can all but guarantee that another organization will take its place. So why is our reaction still to place blame instead of facing the reality that this is about accountability.

If you think that sharing information about yourself makes you a better target for people looking to take advantage of you, welcome to the world. But there’s hope.. and perhaps things are darkest before dawn.

I’ve learned to live my life like an open book. I’ve abandoned the illusion of privacy. I understand that information is more valuable when fewer people have it, but I also understand that knowledge is most valuable when everyone has it. Digging deep on why people value privacy, it almost always comes back to a fear of what others will do with their private information. So I choose to live without a fear of what others would do if they knew everything about me.

And – it – is – glorious!

I really couldn’t care less if Facebook showed to the public: my health records, my genealogy, my personal finances, my relationship history, purchasing behaviour… all of it. To some extent, I wish they would. I would gladly take that risk to try and demonstrate that transparency isn’t itself a risk. In reality, our ability to share more information with one another has been at the core of every big leap forward our species has taken. From a spoken language, to a written language, to the printing press, to the internet. We just seem to have momentary lapses in judgement where we’re afraid of what will happen when only some of us can access that information.

We’ve now arrived at a point where between Facebook, Google, Apple and the NSA, there isn’t much that isn’t known about us. The data is already being collected and unless you’re keen to go live off the grid, it won’t stop. Who gets access to that data is largely out of our control. There will always be bad actors with innovative ideas on how to abuse that dynamic… which means we either have to accept that we’re screwed, or find a way to rise above it. I choose to rise above it.

My choice is that when someone takes the time to learn about me, and to use that information to take advantage of me, I’m prepared. Not only am I prepared to be critical of the information I’m being presented with, I’m also prepared to be critical of my own actions if I allow myself to be misled. It’s not always easy and I’m not always perfect, but when you let go of right and wrong and prioritize the truth, seeing through the noise becomes much easier.

I think that everyone’s life will be impeded by dishonesty and misdirection at some point, but I think it’s worth considering that it’s our tendency to be dishonest with ourselves which impedes our progress most. A fear of how others might perceive us and how that might impact our lives. But what happens when we let that fear guide us? What happens when everyone had the ability to project to the world what they thought the world wanted of us? Social Media gave us that ability and we’ve used it to create noise. It’s a feedback loop of confusion where people struggle to understand the disconnect between how we present ourselves and who we really are. And the closer we get to facing the truth, the louder we yell ‘Privacy!’

Or we could just let go. When I imagine a world that has abandoned the premise of privacy, I see a world which has embraced the value of transparency. I see a world that has truly realized the value of honesty. A world where every piece of information is always available to every person. I can’t help but think about that being the ultimate equalizer.

Decentralized journalism

Had an idea the other day. I think it could be a big one.

Decentralization is something I’ve paid a great deal of attention to over the years. We’ve seen it tackle the taxi industry, hotels, and several forms of media. Next, I’m keen to see how it tackles things like energy and currency. In each case, the premise seems rather simple: Make better use of the resources we already have, and let technology shoulder the workload of keeping things organized.

Every great business is a solution to a very real problem. In this case, the solution is to the problem of modern journalism. Currently, journalism places a greater emphasis on being first than it does on being right. Sensationalism has replaced accuracy. Journalism has become more about producing ammunition than telling a story. And it needs to change.

There’s a curious link between humans, size, power, and corruption. The bigger we get, the more power we’re inclined to have, and the more power we’re inclined to have, the more susceptible we are to corruption. The news industry in America became tremendously powerful over the decades, and was far more centralized than most people realized. Even today, organizations like Sinclair and Fox are making significant moves to expand their political reach. Anytime an industry gets big and corrupt like this, it’s time for decentralization to save the day.

My idea is a news platform which would allow journalists to earn a living while maintaining their independence and their integrity. While also holding them accountable. I realized that while I knew the names of all these news anchors, I couldn’t name the author of a single article I had read in the last week. The twisted thing is that I barely watch any cable news – and I real a lot of articles. Why didn’t I know their names? It was because they were promoted as secondary to the organization they were reporting on behalf of. I wonder what journalism would look like if journalists were front and center for their work?

Similar to a Google news feed or Reddit, your feed would be a collection of news articles curated around your interests. What would make it different though, is that the person behind the article would also be well profiled. These individuals deserve to be recognized for the work that they’re doing. By letting good journalists be closely associated with their work, they can be recognized for what they’re doing and build a reputation for it. By letting poor journalists be closely associated for their work, they can be recognized for what they’re doing as well.

How these journalists would be profiled is a very interesting question. An overall 5 star review system would probably be part of it, but maybe not. Maybe the 5 star rating system is a better predictor of popularity than competence. I know that for me personally, the biggest concerns in journalism are honesty and accuracy. So maybe the first thing that gets added to the profile is a bullshit meter. If you used alternative facts in a story you wrote, the people reading should know that and be able to hold you accountable. And that becomes part of your profile..

Most of our news today is delivered to us through a TV personality, quoting another news organization, using a piece of information gathered by one of their journalists, who used an anonymous source to report what they heard. By the time you hear it, you’re not sure what to make of it. Maybe it’s true, maybe it’s not. Who knows by the time it makes it to you. But what if the journalist who broke this news, had an immaculate track record with their news releases? What if they used anonymous sources? Would you care if they’ve always been accurate? Personally, I don’t mind the use of anonymous sources if they’re being verified by someone who I trust. Not all anonymous sources should be treated equally.

So we would want everyone to be held accountable to the same standards of honesty. How that would be accomplished exactly, I’m not sure. I think it would probably do well to partner with an existing fact checking organization, but the best solution would involve the community holding its own community members accountable. Something I enjoy thoroughly about the comment section on Reddit (depending on the subreddit), is that the most upvoted comment is often one that adds more clarity to the article. Sometimes it’s for calling out the article on inaccuracies, sometimes it’s by providing additional sources to elaborate on a point. I think that a community like this would be imperative to this platform’s long-term success.

The next thing I’d like to see on journalist prifles are accuracy of speculative statements. If you have someone who’s always telling you how things are going to turn out, it’s important to know how often they’re right. Those who are able to predict the future with a high degree of accuracy should probably be listened to more. Those found to be crying wolf too often, should probably be heard less. Allowing for people to be held accountable to these speculative statements will hopefully drive more practical discussions and limit unreasonable fear mongering.

However this profile ends up looking, it’s purpose is to give the audience context about who they’re hearing the story from. It’s to help create an informed reader, while encouraging journalistic integrity. Especially in a climate like this, I’m confident in the value of honesty. I’m confident in the peoples’ value of journalistic integrity and honesty, but I’m also sympathetic to their distrust of large media corporations controlling the dialogue. This would be a big step in separating the two.

I think this would have to work in tandem with a user profile as well. One of the biggest issues we run into in modern media are thought bubbles and echo chambers. Perhaps a way around that is having an algorithm track your bias. For example, if your political bias shows that you’re off center, the algorithm would include some of the most credible articles that might disagree with your views. A balanced perspective is key, and there’s no evidence to suggest that everything in your news feed should be something that you agree with.

Another element of this platform is that it would welcome all sources of media. Podcasts are the new radio. YouTube is the new TV. This is about inclusivity of talent, and allowing merit to drive the spotlight.

Now how would you go about attracting all these high quality reporters away from their existing jobs? Promise them the flexibility and freedom to write about whatever they’d like, at whatever place they’d like to write at? Too easy. Tell them they get to work from where ever they’d like, as little or as often as they’d like? Meh. Promise them that they’ll be the one’s who are recognized for their articles and that they have the ability to build a personal brand around their craft? Maybe. Or maybe tell them that they’ll have a 50% revenue split with all ad revenue generated by their articles. Bam.

People might say that democracy is dying when Trump is elected while half the American voting population stays home. Yet we’re liking, and up-voting more than ever. I think we enjoy voting, it’s just that there’s a bit of a cost reward calculation going on. Putting some big up-votes behind some talented journalists who aren’t afraid to put their neck on the line to expose those big truths… we could bring them to the mainstream. We could make heroes out of them and remind ourselves of the ideals we should be striving for. We could give journalism the home it deserves.

So where to start? School news papers of course. I\ve learned that when looking to the future, look to the kids. Go to the high schools, universities and colleges, and show them how easy it is to move their school publication on to this platform. Instead of having to run everything through the bureaucracy of a normal news paper or site, have your journalists operate independently. Teachers might not be into it. Some parent’s might be concerned. But that’s the point. And the fun. Have the conversations that they don’t want you to have. Talk about the things that you’ve been told not to talk about. Dig into the real. And imagine how real that gets at a university paper. And imagine the power of a platform like this taking hold at an academic level, and producing the fierce, confident, intelligent, rational journalists that are capable of providing us with an honest and accurate view of the world.

Wouldn’t that be something.

Win the Next Presidential Election With This One Weird Trick

I was tempted to throw in the /s but it’s true. Seriously.

It wasn’t the republican right that elected Trump. It wasn’t the democratic left that let Hillary down either. It was the American people who made themselves heard. Trump was elected as a giant fuck-you to how America governs – justifiably so.

It was a fuck-you to career politicians with fake smiles and fake laughs.

It was a fuck-you to wall street influencing monetary policy.

It was a fuck-you to the oversensitive and irrational alt-left.

It was a fuck-you to partisan politics and the inability of politicians to get anything done.

It was a fuck-you to the wealthy elite.

And perhaps most importantly, it was a fuck you to a lack of honesty and transparency between a government and the people it serves.

Trump may just be the best thing to happen to American politics in generations, in the same way that a bull is great for a china shop. Bull wrecks china shop, owner realizes nobody buys china anymore and uses the insurance money to open a dispensary. I think a lot of the people who voted for him already knew this, but if there was any doubt… he’s worse than a career politician, he’s the wealthy elite’s racist grandpa. One of the first things he did was cozy up to wall street. He’s just as irrational and oversensitive as the alt-left. With republican control over the senate and house, he still can’t get anything passed. Bipartisanship is worse than ever. Finally, and most importantly, Trump has probably solidified himself as the most dishonest politician in American history. For anybody looking at this objectively, he’s the one you send in to undermine any remaining confidence in the American establishment.

So by the time the American people are ready to elect their next president, what are they going to be looking for? The same thing we’ve always wanted…

Honesty and Transparency.

Seriously. That’s it. We’re just going to want it that much more after all this nonsense. Run a campaign under the premise of releasing every confidential government file ever held. Moon landing? Release it all. JFK? Release it all. 9/11? Release it all. Area 51? Release it all. Every god damn piece of information that the government has – make it readily available to the public. Maybe it all amounts to very little, but at least the public would regain their confidence in their government. Or maybe we find out that the government hasn’t been as honest with us as we would’ve liked and we have an opportunity to rebuild that trust with a proper foundation.

Electing someone we don’t know to run a system we don’t understand isn’t exactly the best example of democracy but it does remind us how important honesty and transparency is between a government and its people. Without good information, we can’t make good decisions and if we aren’t equipped with the information necessary to elect good leaders, where exactly does that leave us? And yet honesty seems more scarce in politics than in any other profession. Maybe this is what happens to lawyers when they don’t have to worry about perjury anymore.

We need to move beyond this idea that being uninformed makes us safer. We need to move beyond this notion of the government taking measures to make us ‘feel’ safer at the expense of being less informed. We need the government to stop treating us like kids and start treating us like equals and that starts with telling us WTF is actually going on.

I’m putting some brain power towards figuring out how to build an honest democracy that just doesn’t just hold itself accountable to the public, but also engages the collective thoughts and wisdom of its people on a regular basis. I’m making progress.. might be ready in time for Mars.

Honest Modesty

There’s a fantastic quote from Bruce Lee, “If I tell you I am good, probably you will say I am boasting. But if I tell you I’m not good, you’ll know I’m lying.”

By most people’s standards, Bruce Lee wasn’t just good, he was one of the best to ever do what he did. But if he were to say that, then he risks being labelled as boastful. Why?

The Rick side of me wants to say that those with insecurities about their own abilities would prefer that high achievers understate their skills and accomplishments to minimize feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. They key word there being feel.

The more patient side of me thinks there’s another level to this. Honesty is communication in it’s most accurate form. When you’re being honest with others, you’re giving them the most accurate version of the information you have. When you’re being honest with yourself, you’re looking at the most accurate version of yourself. As working with accurate information is always more efficient than working with inaccurate information, honesty is key to an efficient life.

I also value modesty. For me, modesty is a perpetual state of mind in which I remind myself that there’s always more room to grow and that what I’ve accomplished isn’t nearly as important as what I’m working towards. Google’s definition of modesty is an unassuming or moderate estimation of one’s abilities. I can work with that.

Unassuming and moderate are worth exploring here. For me, unassuming means knowing your value, but also leaving your mind open for the things you don’t know. For example, an unassuming fighter would know the techniques they’re best at, but wouldn’t assume to know how successful they would be against a hypothetical opponent.

In a universe with nearly infinite variables – most of which are unknown to us – any prediction of the future is an assumption. Being unassuming is simply a more honest and accurate understanding of yourself and the universe you exist within. Being moderate, in this case, could probably be defined as without bias. Without a desire to understate or overstate one’s abilities, the middle ground would be a moderate estimation – again, the most honest and accurate understanding.

Perhaps there will always be people who would prefer that high achievers keep their achievements to themselves to minimize feelings of insecurity. For the rest of us however, I think it’s important to understand that modesty isn’t a function of class, or making others feel better about themselves, it’s a function of honesty and accuracy.

If you’re great, be great, do great.